Sharing Expectations, Sharing Alternatives

We all know the drill; "you have to share"! And, astonishingly, we all know the phrase; "MINE!!!". Many of us, as teachers, parents, and even the small peers of preschoolers, are caught in the paradox at least daily if not more often. Our good intentions move us to herald sharing as one of the best things a child can learn; at the same time, the very normal, and very frustrating, tendency for young children (and even adults)to see only themselves and what they want (which, of course, is everything in sight). If we look at the issue from a 'respectful' childcare perspective, we may be able to see a win-win solution (although not an instant solution!).

Most of us were brought up with the idea of sharing as much a part of us as our fingerprints. If we didn't share, the object was removed. But take a moment to think about this. What did we learn? We didn't learn to share; we learned that adults don't have to share, and we were powerless. The removal of the object by a third party didn't help us to solve a problem. In fact, it more likely created more of a problem by confusing us. It goes directly against the grain of a young child's very normal egocentrism.

So we come to the question, how to teach sharing without forcing it upon children and without neglecting childrens' needs for autonomy and things of their own?

I have found that instead of trying to teach a concept (such as sharing) to young children before they really are capable of understanding it, backing off a little tends to help. A 2 year old who continually shares is most likely going through the motions to reap the rewards (pleased parents and teachers) and not really learning anything meaningful. It isn't exactly normal for a young child to want to share. Try taking turns instead. A 2 year old is very likely capable of understanding the back-and-forth of taking turns, and will not feel that something has been forcibly removed from their possession ( a young child doesn't understand the concept of 2 individuals doing something together). Even better, begin talking about and modeling taking turns as early as possible...infants who have been exposed to such concepts will probalby be much more likely to grasp them later on. Also, think about what the reality is of sharing. Try to define it to yourself without looking at a dictionary; it is very hard to define without using an actual example. Also think about age appropriate expectations. Does everything really have to be shared? Is it really healthy, or respectful, to expect a child to share everything? As adults, what do we share? We have desks and papers and staplers and tape that we probably don't share with our children. We don't share spouses. We don't share our homes, money, clothing, etc., outside of our family. We don't share conversation with children. The point is, we need to be realistic. Ask a child if he wants to share; if he doesn't, let it be okay. Explain to the other child that the first child is playing with that toy, but when he is done, it will be his turn. Be careful not to admonish the child for his wish not to share; this is very important. His wishes need to be respected; he needs to have that reassurance that it is okay to say no. It is very possible that by allowing him to say no, he will be more likely to say yes, especially when it is his decision.

Go To Page: 1 2

Articles in this Topic    Discussions in this Topic