Think about it. How many times have you seen a young child do something like hit or push another child, quickly say "Sorry!" and run off as if that one simple word absolved him of everything, that he was somehow no longer responsible? It can be very frustrating for early childhood teachers, especially when she is trying to teach true empathy.
There is not much we can do about how parents speak to their children other than setting an example; giving unsolicited advice to parents isn't the best approach and can spoil your professional image. There is much we can do, however, in our classrooms. We should be setting the example from the beginning, in our infant programs, and continuing all the way through toddler, preschool, kindergarten, and elementary. I call this approach True Empathy, because I believe it really teaches the meaning of empathy, rather than a rote phrase that has no real meaning to a young child. Ask a 3 yar old what the word 'sorry' means, and you probably won't get much of an answer. Of course, as with anything pertaining to young children, the variations are limitless; I tend to keep it simple, and this is how it works:
Instead of a quick "Say you're sorry", begin with the childrens' names, in a non-threatening way, on their level. "Jarred, look at David, he is crying" helps to focus on the children and their emotions, rather than the act itself. "Let's see if he is okay" takes much of the tension away from the child who was aggressive, and can make him more able to feel empathy. This also takes the situation away from a punishment perspective, and puts it into a communication and problem solving perspective. "David, tell Jarred you don't like it when he pushes you" helps a child communicate with words, not fists (depending on the developmental level of the children involved, you may or may not have to help suggest the appropriate words). Notice how you are not ostracizing Jarred, and you are not victimizing David. It is the action that is undesireable, not the person. This is an important concept. How many times have you seen a child do something, such as push or hit, and hear someone say "You're a bad boy!"? Many aggressive behaviors in toddlers and young children are developmentally normal, and it is your job as an early childhood professional to be knowledgeable about what is and is not age-appropriate. Now you are going to help the children tie up the loose ends by facilitating a solution. For example, you might try "Jarred, let's help David put his project back together" or "Jarred, will you help me put a band-aid on David's knee?". You are giving Jarred the opportunity to come out the "good guy", and eliminating many of the possible hard feelings toward you or the other child. Think about the potential for learning in just this one situation. Now think about the potential for learning when all a child has to do is say "Sorry" and it's all over with.
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