There is a big question making the rounds among the parents at my daughter's kindergarten class. Should the kids refer to the parents' friends as "Mr. Jones" or "Mrs. Smith", rather than using their first names? I was quite shocked, having come from a home where it would have been unheard of to refer to one of my parent's friends by their first name. This was reserved for only the closest of family friends and relatives, and even they always had "Aunt" or "Uncle" in front of their name. Respect is something that is earned and commanded. Unlike many of the other virtues we try to nurture in our kids that are mostly present from birth, respect is a bit more complicated. Respect is not only necessary when dealing well with others, but the virtue of self-respect is critical for kids to succeed and feel good about themselves and their choices throughout their lives. I could quote startling statistics regarding this increase in disrespect, however teachers, parents, and other kids can all tell us this is a growing crisis in our world today, resulting in increased violence and anti-social behavior to an alarming degree. Many parents don't realize the level of disrespect the average child is subjected to daily. According to Dr. Michele Borba, author of Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues that Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing, Jossey Bass 2001, by the time a child reaches the age of seven, 98 percent of parents have verbally lashed out at them. One out of three called their kids belittling names and swore at them. Many of us can testify to this by what we hear everyday. Even if these statistics don't apply to your own home, kids are affected by many adults throughout their day, and they all have tremendous power to influence a child. Observing parents and other adults interact is a strong factor when kids are forming their foundations and understandings of how important respect is and how it is used.
There are several factors that can have a big impact on kids and their ability to be respectful. The first one to consider is manners. Calling adults by their surnames, setting proper examples during sporting events and while driving, and how we talk to each other in our homes all can have a tremendous affect on a child's concept of respect and how important it is. Many of these seemingly trivial ideas have become almost outdated, but one should seriously consider the value of these ideas before casting them aside. It is easy to become unconscious about these behaviors. Try to keep track of how often your child is subjected to this kind of disrespect.
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