The Conversation Connection

Spending time with our children has always been a top priority in our home. I stay home and work part-time from the house. My husband runs a local business. We read to our kids and participate in their lives as much as possible. My five year old began Kindergarten recently. Suddenly, mothers and fathers are all complaining about one thing. Surprisingly, it isn’t rudeness or bullying or fighting. None of the classic moral breakdown warning signs have reared their head. However, all the parents seem to be having the same frustration; getting their kids to TALK about what happened at school today. In some homes, people are coming and going. Others just have very subdued kids. I wonder how many of us realize the impact of these seemingly minor conversations each day. But it is indeed the basis for many of the character traits we hope to instill in them.

We demonstrate our respect for kids during these talks. Our values and choices are imparted through these daily conversations. The quality of these moments dictates how open they will be to allowing our influence on their lives. And of course, the more they have this mutual respect, interest and belief in our support, the more they will discuss the increasingly sensitive issues that will arise. According to parenting expert Dr. Thomas Lickona, author of Raising Good Children, studies show most kids between the ages of 4 to 17 wish their families talked more. Many parents try, but have a hard time getting past answers like “nothing” or “I don’t know.” Fortunately, there are several techniques that can help nurture this quality in your family.

Kids do not usually respond well to open ended questions like, “How was your day?” Use specific questions, asking, “What was the best part of school today?” or “Tell me two things you like about your new teacher”? It also helps keep the conversation going when it begins with a genuine question of interest, rather than the same question everyday.

Some of the best moments for conversations happen during activities you do together. Once again, the sincere interest in your child is displayed and they are more open to discussing things. The activities can be as simple as taking a walk or reading at night. Even dish time can be a great opportunity for chats. Talk to your kids individually, making an effort to have special time with each child.

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