After having suitably rewarded the Straw Man and the Tin Man, the great and powerful Turz Bloom (otherwise known as the Wizard) casts his eyes on a certain general, the "Cowardly Lion."
"Lion," booms the Wizard, "I have been giving this some thought."
"Mr. Poohell to you, Wizard, even if he is a 'girly boy' pacifist," screeches Dorothy Ann.
General Poohell twirls around a little stiffly and begins singing:
I could run the State Department,
Deep Six Rummy in cold cement,
Find hot places to send Condi,
Play Irani against Iraqi,
With confidence and verve,
If I only had the nerve.
Tell a Neocon he's a sinner,
Have Beaujolais for dinner
With Frenchy Fries on a platter,
Drink Liebfraumilch with schnitzel
And to the Bushies, send the bill.
And I'd call old Georgie nuts,
If I only had the guts.
"Mr. Poohell," says the Wizard, "You have already demonstrated extreme courage in your lengthy career as a soldier and commander for over thirty years.
"However, you have just forgotten your valor because you have now lived in Washington too long, a place where all politicians seem to suffer from short memories or even worse, the dreaded Reagan Flu, a syndrome whereby proud, even occasionally competent men, develop selective memories.
"Indeed, the condition has become so serious in recent decades that few even remember that they once had a memory. Some have become so confused that they even think that America is their own little Crony Country Club rather than a country for real Americans, living real lives as teachers, firemen, policemen, truck drivers, housewives, and sales people, helping each other, worshiping and otherwise living in their own diverse ways. "I thought about giving you a medal for your long and distinguished military career, but, you already have drawers full of medals.
"Therefore, I award you this Personal Data Assistant (PDA), which I have taken from Henry Kissinger, who apparently can no longer remember how to use it. There is no hope for poor Henry; why, he can't even remember his part in the destruction of Cambodia and destabilization of Chile.
"I have taken the liberty to pre-load this PDA with the honor and respect the country once accorded you when you were Chairman of the Joint Chiefs. Anytime you feel like standing up for a common sense, a compassionate attitude toward foreign nations and peoples or for that matter your own fellow Americans and yourself, just take the accompanying golden stylus and bring up your accolades."
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