The Wizard of Wingnut - Part 1
Shrub takes the Top from the Wizard, spins around a couple of times, and places his finger to his head and immediately states in crisp syllables:
"My fellow Americans, I'm not going to 'nuance around' anymore. We are up against evil in its most evil form, evil. Sometimes you must make hard sacrifices to fight evil, especially an 'axis of evil' if it is truly evil. And, yes, that 'axis' is evil. Furthermore, it's hard, hard work fighting evil."
"Oh well," mutters the Wizard to himself, "Just keep practicing; even a creature with straw for brains can spin."
"As for you," says the Wizard, Looking over at the shiny Tin Man.
"YOU owe him, Wiz," Dorothy Ann yells.
"Now, just calm down, Dorothy Ann. I have a gift for the Tin Man, also."
"I just want a heart, Mr. Wizard," says the Chainman. As a sudden chill settles over the once "merry old land," the Chainman breaks out into song:
Just to express my emotion,
Hatred, jealousy and devotion
Why, I could have my yellow cake. . .and eat it, too,
And really feel the power accrue;
For the wars and pillage I'd start,
I'd really feel the part
If I could only suffer a heart.
"Mr. Chainman," states the Wizard, "You have heartlessly doomed future generations of Americans to dependence on imported oil through your efforts to cut spending on alternative sources of energy and callous shilling for oil wars abroad--no matter what the cost in lives and treasure.
"A person with even a tin can for a heart would care more about humankind than you do. Therefore, I think it is too late for you to have a real, beating human heart in your chest.
"Here, Tin Man, instead of a heart, take this Magical Fuel Gauge from a wrecked Ford Explorer. It may not register emotion, but it will always register 'Empty' even in the midst of Alaskan oil fields. Thus, you shall always see a need for oil."
"Oh, it really does show empty," says Chainman. We must drill immediately! To the wilderness!" shouts the Chainman, taking the fuel gauge, kissing it and holding it up for all to see.
"Oh my, Mr. Chainman," coos Dorothy Ann, "It's even better than a heart; now you don't have to really feel the part; you can just sell it."
If you are not wiping green stuff off your chin, perhaps you would like to read The Wizard of Wingnut - Part 2?
Copyright 2005,
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