Our cast of characters includes Dorothy Ann (actually a right-wing columnist and media shill also known as "Ann Colder"), the Scarecrow (also known as Shrub), the Tin Man (sometimes known as the Chainman) and the Cowardly Lion (a certain war hero and general).
After Dorothy Ann's little dog, FotoOp, starts barking and pulls back the shiny green curtain, our Pilgrims see that the great and powerful Wizard is just so much smoke and mirrors.
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!" says the Wizard.
"But," says our heroine, Dorothy Ann, "We have fulfilled our mission, and you promised to help us, and you better. . .or else. . .I'll start screaming 'liberal traitor'!"
"The Straw Man. . .that's Shrub to his friends. . . has come all this way because he wants, nay needs a brain," continued Ann, " and you promised it to him, and you better do it or so help me I'll slander you from sea to shining sea."
"Aw, gee whiz, Wiz," says Shrub, as he shuffles a two-step, loses a couple of tufts of straw from his head and sings:
I could lie in bed till Noon time
Listening to Rush and Reilly slime.
Eating pretzels and drinking near beer;
And my head would be a-spinning
With such profundity appearing,
I'd not trade Sammy Sosa
Or misunderestimate Osama,
Learn to come in from the rain
If I only, only had a brain.
"Straw Man," says the Wizard of Turz, "After all these years, you don't need a brain; it's too late to start thinking now. I have something much more valuable than a brain for you.
"Therefore, by the authority vested in me, E. Pluribus Unum, I present you with this child's toy, this large Red Top.
"Whenever faced with a problem such as. . .oh. . say. . .defending 'compassionate conservatism' when you have emptied out the Social Security trust fund as millions of Baby Boomers start to retire or vetoed funds for emergency radios for heroic firefighters, or even send U.S. soldiers into battle with armor made by the Tin Man, just take out your shiny, red top and spin, spin, spin. . ."
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