What better time than April Fool's to ponder some of the more incredible ways people make a living?
The U.S. Department of Labor publishes a huge compendium of all occupations in the United States. The Dictionary of Occupational Titles (DOT) includes detailed descriptions of over 12,000 jobs. This opus, oddly enough, can make for pretty entertaining reading, if you have a weird sense of humor, or have been working too hard.
For example, the DOT tells us that there are actually people in this country who work as Raisin Washers, Sock Examiners and Egg Smellers. Some folks punch the clock as Potato Chip Sorters and Pantyhose Crotch-Closing-Machine-Operators. (What possible aptitudes could this job require?)
How would you like to file your tax return, listing your occupation as a Nutter-up or a Knocker-off or a Boiler-out? Maybe you'd rather identify yourself with a more whimsical career, something along the lines of a Slubber Doffer or a Debubblizer?
For those who want to reach the top, there are the jobs of Top Waddy and Top Screw (I'm not kidding!)
Imagine the ego-deflating experience of introducing yourself at a party: "Hi, I'm Bill, the Boring Machine Operator (or the Dull Shoe Repairer, or the Defective Cigarette Splitter).
Several job titles remind me of Dr. Frankenstein's proclivities. I'm sure he could have used a Belly Builder, a Sagger Filler and a Bottom Bleacher on his lab staff. The jobs of Chin Applying Machine Tender, and Hair Spinning Machine Operator add a macabre note. The DOT says the good doctor could even have hired a Head Switcher and a Brain Picker (ugh!).
Some careers hint at romance - Kiss Mixer and Necker. Others conjure up weird animal images - Frog Shaker, Fish Dresser, Sand Hog. I wonder what perks go with being a Puddler? What (if any) inurance benefits go with being a "Car Dropper? What retirement benefits lie ahead for a Maturity Checker?
These odd job titles often occur in benchwork manufacturing industries, where workers make or assemble parts for a wide variety of products. For example, an "Impregnator and Drier Helper" works in the electrical equipment or light fixture industries. A "Toe Puncher" works in commercial knitting. A "Mother Repairer" ( I love that one!) works in the recording industry.
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