Talking About "CANCER"

I'm writing this from a patient and caregiver point of view. I've been in both roles, neither is easier or harder to deal with then the other.

I was a caregiver over twelve years ago to my mother. She had colon cancer and died a little over a year after her diagnosis. I'm an only child. My father had passed away nine years earlier. We had no family nearby, so we took care of each other in our own ways. We thought we were taking care of each other by not talking about her cancer. Obviously, we couldn't deny it completely. We talked only about the positive, never about anything negative or anything that went wrong. As I look back today I remember thinking that if we didn't talk about "the cancer" then she wouldn't have it. We truly thought we were helping each other.

My mom met the hospital chaplain during her first hospital stay. He was definitly a blessing to her. I found out years later after her death that she felt very comfortable sharing her fears and emotions of her cancer with this chaplain. I am so very gratful today that he was a part of her life and of her death. I chose to ignore my feelings and not talk to anyone. Eventually that led to many harmful consequences for me.

When I became a cancer patient, I had dealt with most of the harmful consequences that had plagued me during and after my mothers illness. When my doctor told me that I had cancer all I could do was cry, and I was sure I was going to die. I knew I needed to talk to someone. That someone was the chaplain my mother had loved and trusted dearly. Chaplain Dan is the kind of person that listens with a caring heart, and then states the facts (at least with me he did). He listened to my fears and helped me calm down. He then told me I had one of the best cancer surgeons, and because my mother had died of cancer did not mean that I was going to die too.

Today I understand how and why the word cancer scares people and why some people have trouble talking about it. It scared me when my mother was sick and sometimes during my illness. Until I realized it was just a word, and if I talked about it that would make it better. And it did. I had no problems sharing feelings about my cancer to my friends. I remember talking to a younger friend about my cancer, she said "I don't want to talk about it, you're never going to die." Sometimes it was frustrating, eventually I knew who I could talk too.

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