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From Darkness to Light

© Mary M. Alward

I have lived with an invisible disability for the last sixteen years. In 1988, I was in a car accident that pushed my hip into my spine. The doctor’s told me that within twenty years I would be confined to a wheelchair. I had no intention of letting their prediction come true. The fight was on.

It took me a full two years to recuperate. In the beginning, I could barely move. I had a severe case of whiplash in addition to the spinal injury. Someone had to help me do everything. I lay in bed. Every move was excruciating. I couldn’t get out of bed, dress myself, or get to the bathroom without the aid of others. When my husband left for work each morning, I was bound to my bed until he returned unless my mother, daughter or a friend dropped by.

Always having been an independent person, feeling helpless and living in constant pain took its toll. I fell into a deep depression, which made things even worse.

One day I was lying in bed when it hit me. I was having a pity party. Lying here was getting me nowhere fast. Determination took over. Why should I lie in bed all day, eyeballs floating, waiting for someone to come along and help me to the bathroom.

At the time, we had a beautiful German Shepherd named Cheyenne. She was huge. She stood almost to my waist and weighed about 100 lbs. I called her to the bed, grabbed her collar and pulled myself into a sitting position. Still holding fast to her collar and speaking to her in a gentle, soothing voice, I made my way to the bathroom by using my other hand, palm flat against walls and cupboards to make it to the washroom. It took me twenty minutes to arrive there, but that was better than waiting all day for someone to give me a hand. Cheyenne seemed to sense that I needed her. She lay just inside the door and guided me back to the bedroom.

Every step I took shot lances of pain through my body. I spent two hours in total that day, making trips to the bathroom. But, I had learned something. I could still be independent.

Time passed. Though it was tough, I dressed myself, fed myself and got around the house. It took a lot of time and I took frequent naps. Just getting the ten steps from the bedroom to the living room was exhausting.

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