Yes, just about this time of year -- every year -- backyard gardeners begin to realize that the biggest problem with growing zucchini is trying to give it all away.
At the end of every summer I vow not to plant zucchini again. Then, come spring time, I give in and plant a couple seeds. Lord help you if you make the mistake of planting more than a single plant.
It doesn't seem to matter how much you use or abuse zucchini. They thrive on neglect and will keep bearing all summer long at what you might call an overabundant pace. Overabundant is an understatement to say the least. Trying to control your harvest is nearly impossible.
This summer squash has to contribute more to an amateur horticulturalist's ego than any other plant. Even if you kill cactus, you won't be able to kill zucchini. Indeed, the only thing zucchini seems to require is warm weather. They like fertile soil and plenty of water, but give them neither and they'll still grow!
If you ever see the next-door neighbor rush into their house when they see you coming, you know you've already overdone it with the zucchini giveaways. However, you might try a favorite trick of mine. Leave a bag of zucchini on the porch, ring the bell and run! It works great for strangers, but friends are starting to catch on to the ploy. They've intercepted me trying to sneak up to their porch.
Let's say your name isn't Martha Stewart and you are clueless about how to get rid of them. Consider my second phase plan. I simply give neighborhood kids wagon loads of the stuff. I don't know exactly what they're doing with them, but I noticed some of them riding and jumping their bikes over a few of the larger specimens. The first zucchini motocross in history? I wonder if Evel Knievel started this way?
Earlier in the season, before the pressure started pitting neighbor against neighbor in an "everyone for himself" attitude, there was cooperation concerning zucchini. When one discovered a household that accepted the squash, he or she would mark an "X" on the front door and everyone would unload zucchini there until that household's kids turned green.
But by August everyone is on their own. A friend of mine panicked once and started stuffing zucchini in his mailbox and put the flag up. He received a rather nasty note from the mail carrier, saying he knew what he was up to and it would do no good.
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