New Fangled Exercise Contraption

Nuke the Nordic Track. Stomp out stairmasters. Throw away treadmills. I've stumbled across a new form of exercise that is so radical that owners of fitness centers should be trembling in their Nikes. And all you have to do is visit your local garden equipment store to see what it's all about.

To think that I have my old lawn mower to thank for this exercise revelation. It's hard to realize that when my mower came sputtering to a stop in the middle of my lawn last week that this could happen. At the time, I was crushed. After all, my trusty mower had provided more than a decade of service -- much of it beyond the call of duty, such as the time I used it to cut down 4-foot-high weeds in the vacant lot across the street.

It's a sad commentary on our times when we discard such a fine piece of machinery. But that's precisely what I did after setting my eyes on a gleaming new contraption at the garden equipment store.

OK, OK, I didn't mean to do it. In fact, I had good intentions all along to get my mower repaired. But this new machine had me seeing blades of grass flying and smelling the fresh scent of just-cut grass. It was like nothing I've set eyes on before. I mean, it was such a radical departure from conventional mowers that I just stood there gap-mouthed until a salesperson came to the rescue. "How does it work?" I managed to gasp to the salesperson.

"We call that a push mower," the salesperson responded. "As it's propelled across the lawn, the turning of the wheels causes the blades to rotate simultaneously, which, in turn, shears the blades of grass."

Yeah, that made sense, I told myself. But where the heck was the rest of it? There wasn't even a seat for the driver. As if reading my mind, the salesperson said, "All you do is walk behind the mower and steer it with this handle."

I eyed him suspiciously. He wasn't just talking to anyone, you know. I've been cutting lawns with the best of 'em for years and I'd never heard of such a thing. "Are you sure you haven't gotten this mixed up with some sort of exercise machine?" I asked.

If this guy was right, he could make megabucks on this contraption, I thought. For example, can you imagine why anyone would pay to walk the stairmaster at the health club when they could accomplish the same thing while mowing the lawn? Incredible.

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