When Good Shows...GO BAD!


© Allan Lee
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What is it with reality TV? Our viewing these days seems to consist of wall-to-wall programmes about when good pets/people/days/times go bad. They usually feature shaky, amateur-shot footage of tragedies and disasters, and probably appeal to the worst voyeur in all of us. Counting through this week's TV Guide here in New Zealand, there was one "reality TV" show PER NIGHT in prime time. I have to admit, I've now reached the point where I tend to avoid them...but even on my cursory viewing, there seem to be a remarkable number of repeats. There's one piece of footage of a moose, or is it a cow...or possibly even a horse...which has fallen through thin ice on a frozen lake and is being rescued by a brave policeman. I've seen that three or four times on reality programmes centred around (a)animals, (b) the police or (c)bad weather.

The Ultimate Formula

There's a certain sameness to the way the programmes run. It's just about like this:

Segment A The titles in big screaming letters... When Real TV Goes Mad!!. Chunky music and deep male voiceover. All the most dramatic bits of the shaky am-cam footage cut together. CUT TO: host (who often seems to be Robert Stack, or is that just the way it seems?) walking through the wreckage of (a)crashed cars, (b)wrecked homes or (c)jail (delete as applicable to the show's subject matter). He (for it always is a he, whether or not it's Robert Stack) intones a few well-chosen words about how we can avoid the terrible tragedies that befell these poor (a)cars, (b)people or (c)domestic pets. Now cut the cackle, let's cut to the chase and start revelling in the disaster footage.

Segment B. The first two am-cam sequences. These have to be shaky, or out of focus, or covered in tape drop out (or ideally all three) to make them look "real." In actual fact of course, most of us take video footage that is steady, sharp and on good quality tape so presumably the programme makers add this digitally. The host rattles on about how the featured (a)car (b)person (c)pet had no idea that on this fine summer's day (a) disaster (b)tragedy or (c) the grim reaper was just around the corner. We then watch said disaster unfold. The host shows us the really juicy bits two or three times on the grounds of, presumably, scientific analysis. Then...wham, on to...

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