This One's For You, Dad

Father's Day conjures up a lot of images, some good, some bad. I remember my paternal grandfather with delight - he always wore a sweater until Memorial Day (his personal quirk). If I was really lucky, Grandpa would flex his bicep and let me see his tattoo lady dance. Grandpa was a man of few words. He always had a beer and a cigarette, but he loved his family and always provided for them. My children, due to my divorce when they were young, have had an on-again, off-again relationship with their father. Some good memories, some painful. Their relationship with their step-father has been a rocky road. They, and he, never quite blended into a family, which is a source of unending distress for me. Then there is my father. My dad is beloved by all. He never was a big talker, either, but his actions speak volumes. His character and the lessons I learned growing up with him and my mom have helped shape me into the person I am today. He always believed in an honest day's work for a day's pay. I remember a huge snowstorm in New York when I was a child. Dad walked 4 hours to work to make sure someone was there. I am convinced that this untold lesson was part of the reason I had the need to work during my cancer treatments. If I was working, I could not be sick (in my mind) and I also take pride in doing the best job I can. We were never rich, but we had food on the table and took inexpensive vacations to visit relatives. Since Dad's family is from Buffalo, New York, I have probably been to Niagara Falls at least 20 times. I have wonderful second cousins, aunts and uncles all over the United States. (I am an only child). My dad is happiest when he is doing something constructive. When I got divorced, my parents moved to be closer to me and offered my children and myself a home in time of need. Finally, 5 years ago, they achieved a lifelong dream of retiring to South Carolina. My dad golfs on a daily basis and is the "mayor" of his condo community. If anything needs to be done, you call Norm. Give him a hammer, let him build cabinets, lay tile, rip out sheetrock and he is happy as a clam. He has some great stories that I and my 3 kids have heard over the years many times and we never tire of them. Everyone remarks how he, at 74, has more energy than any of us. Dad quietly goes about his business and says little. But his silence speaks volumes. When my daughter was graduating from college, I was also going through chemo and it was my parent's 50th wedding anniversary. I planned a surprise party the weekend after graduation, inviting 200 guests. I never expected them all to travel to Long Island from around the country. Everyone showed up. They love and respect my parents. My daughter graduated from RISD, in Providence, Rhode Island. Due to chemo side effects, I was barely functional during the graduation weekend celebrations. On the way home from graduation, my dad took her to a Yankee game and her first trip to a casino at Foxwoods. That's just the way he is. Dad always puts everyone else's needs before his own.

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