Why Boundaries?

Boundaries are not just those lines on the football field. The first time I heard the word boundaries in a group therapy group, when I was borderline, that is immediately what I thought they were, just arbitrary lines that would get in my way. I uesd to perceive boundaries as just being the way that others would purposefully frustrate me. I used to make the need others have to have their boundaries all about a rejection of me. It had nothing to do with me. This though, took some time to learn.

Most people who are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) do not have much, if any sense of boundaries. In order to both have boundaries and respect the boundaries of others it is first necessary to be able to distinguish where you end and where others begin. It is necessary that you, the borderline, learn to distinguish between your own space and identity and the space and identity of an another.

Due to what feels like, overwhelming unmet needs, to many who have BPD, borderlines tend to be very demanding. Often, these demands, placed upon others, violate the boundaries of others. When this happens, especially if it happens often, people who have boundaries tend to distance themselves because mental health and a sense of safety are both derived, in large part, from having workable boundaries and limits.

If a non-borderline allows a borderline to continually violate his/her boundaries and limits he/she may well end up feeling as though they too have lost themselves; that they too are not so sure about who they are anymore. Having their boundaries interfered with over time can drastically affect the non-borderline's ability to meet their own needs when in a relationship with a borderline.

Boundaries are important. In order to be able to be close to others we must also know how to take space and maintain our regard and emotional connection with someone across that distance. Most people (non-borderlines) require time and space to themselves to meet their own needs. Borderlines, in many cases, do not understand this because since they demand others meet their needs they do not understand the alone, quiet and or reflective time that others require to take care of themselves.

Key Points As To Why Boundaries Are Vital include:

* All relationships need them in order to survive. If either person in a relationship feels that their boundaries are consistently being violated, the relationship can be damaged serverly, if not beyond repair.

* Boundaries allow people the space to take personal responsibility for their thoughts and feelings.