Yours, Mine and OURS

Blended families often come together at an age where it's still possible to add to the family. A child is born, and that child belongs biologically to both parents. There are siblings from previous marriages, belonging biologically to one parent. How does everyone feel about the new child?

The parents are obviously overjoyed at sharing this special event. They feel it is a tie that binds more deeply, even though children do not always keep a family together. Even in strictly biologically linked families the arrival of a new child brings mixed feelings. The siblings often feel jealousy and worry about not being loved as much as the new baby. This becomes even more important and central in a blended family when dealing with yours, mine and ours.

There are ways the parents can make this transition a little easier.

Children feel the need to belong. Their former family has been uprooted, and they have anxiety over the possibility of losing what they have. They often have feelings of anger and guilt; anger because of the loss of contact with either parent, guilt because they wonder if they were, in some way, the cause of the break-up. Could they have been more obedient? Could they have helped out more around the house? Did they cause too much hassle for the other parent? It goes on and on, and so when the new baby is born that belongs to both parents, the child worries that they may lose their other biological parent.

This is a most important time for both parents, biological and step, to make sure to give plenty of attention to the siblings. Make sure they are included in the new baby activities, including visits by relatives and friends. Give them a role in helping. Make sure they aren't ignored. If they show anger and resentment, make sure you spend quality time with them, alone time at least once a week, taking them somewhere or doing something with only them, not including the new baby.

A new baby in the household can be a stressful but wonderful event. Let's try and enjoy it and let the new child be a link between the steps -- let the new child be the next step in blending the family.

http://communities.msn.com/BlendedFamili...

http://www.northstar.k12.ak.us/schools/t...

http://www.ianr.unl.edu/pubs/family/nf22...

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