There is a difference in parenting methods. Mom was brought up strict Catholic, became a flower child, easy-going and let her children treat her almost as an equal. Step-Father is ex-military and brought up by strict Southern Baptist parents who had heavy disciplinary methods and a huge gap between parents and children. Children were to be seen but not heard. Put these two people together and you get fireworks!
The first couple of years of their marriage was chaos. I moved in with them when they had only been married 4 days and they didn't really get a chance to be alone together or get to know or get used to each other without a third party present. I was the third party. I had been virtually unsupervised for the past half year, and before that, Mom had been my easy mark. Now I suddenly had a step-parent who expected much from me, and a mom who wanted to keep the peace and everybody happy. It didn't work.
We fought, they fought. We tried counseling. We split up. We got back together. Mom and step-Dad really did love each other but I was a big problem. I was resentful of the divorce and resentful of a new parent. I'd call my older brother and be reinforced by him that my new step-father had no authority over me. This only confused things worst, because I respected my older brother, and this new person who had come into my life, I had no respect for. Things had to change and they had to change fast.
I saw what my resistance was doing to my mother. She was unhappy. She was torn between her feelings of love and responsibility for me and my brothers and for her love of her new husband. She wanted to be happy but she wanted to be a good parent. I really didn't give her much of a chance until I graduated from high school, I'm sorry to say. It wasn't until I moved out of the household that I was able to look objectively at the situation and understand better what was going on.
Yes, they say hindsight is twenty-twenty. If we only realized that we don't have to agree with what someone who we love does, but we do have to learn to accept it if we want to be a part of their lives. All you need is love...
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