Resentment and Jealousy

I know of a blended family in the throes of a very difficult situation. There is a Mother with two sons, ages 14 and 10. There is a Step-Father whose children are older and live with the Mother. The problem lies between the Step-Father and the 14 year old. The Mother feels like she is a go-between and a peacemaker. She has always been in this role between the children and their natural Father, so she stepped right into the same role when she remarried. The difference here is that the Step-Father doesn't accept this and thinks she should stand beside him in all decisions concerning the children, whether she agrees with him or not. His methods of child raising were different from her methods, and there is major conflict going on because of this.

Some of the conflicts arise because the Step-Father thinks the son is disrespectful in the way he speaks to his Mother. The Mother has always been in a more casual relationship with her sons and has never demanded yes, ma'am, no, ma'am, although she has always insisted on good manners with others. She also does insist on thank you when she does something for them. She was a stay at home mom for a lot of years and did all the housework, so she never made them do that. She now works, and her son goes to school and plays football, which requires two hours a day after school practice, if not a game. The Stepfather believes he should also do chores on top of this, but she never made his older brother, who is now in college, do chores when he played sports and attended school, so she doesn't think it's appropriate to make her 14 year old. The Step-Father is retired and is at home much of the day, although he returned to school and goes a couple of evenings a week. He has taken over much of the housework since the Mom is working out of the house 40+ hours a week.

Step-Father also seems to resent the attention that is given the son by the mother at times. Is it possible that he is jealous of the love she has for her son? Does he have a problem with sharing her love?

What is the solution? I would say this family should get counseling in order to learn to deal with their particular situation. The couple have tried to work things out between them in discussions that usually turn into heated arguments. The results are resentment and bitterness. Many times names are called, fingers are pointed, and accusations are made that are to the detriment of both parties. Past lives are brought up with both parents having an older child that hasn't exactly turned out the way they would have liked. More and more bad feelings are being built, and it may not be much longer before the situation becomes unbearable for all involved.

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