One of the biggest errors step parents can make is disciplining their step children before adequately building a relationship with them. When you get "you're not my dad so you can't tell me what to do" lines from your step child, you know you have not adequately build that relationship. Of course, the step-children still do not do everything you tell them to do, but they never throw the nonbiological parent status in your face if you've built the relationship with them first. They just don't do what you tell them. Kind of like biological children. Kind of like children period!
Achieving a Balance in Parenting is what makes a successful family situation. Discipline is made up of two sides: love and limits. Discipline without love tends to be cold and authoritarian. Take out limits and you have a permissive or weak parenting style. The solution is to use both love and limits. All families, traditional and blended, struggle with this balance. Usually, one parent will predominately use love over limits in their parenting style and the other parent will counter with limits over love. This is their way of balancing the parenting in the family system. Unfortunately, it usually leads to feelings of frustration and anger. It also leads to children using the old divide and conquer approach. Just get mom and dad fighting over how the other parent is handling things ("you are too strict" or "you coddle him too much") and the child walks away free and clear.
To achieve a balance, you must realize there are two sides to discipline: love and limits. Discipline without love tends to be cold and authoritarian. Take out limits and you have a permissive, weak parenting style. The solution is to use both love and limits. All families, traditional and nontraditional, struggle with this balance. Usually, one parent will predominately use love over limits in their parenting style and the other parent will counter with limits over love. This is their way of balancing the parenting in the family system. Unfortunately, it always leads to feelings of frustration and anger. It also leads to children using the old divide and conquer approach. Just get mom and dad fighting over how the other parent is handling things and the child walks away free and clear.
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