The Tuxedo - Page 2

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Oct 29, 2002

But you know something: I'm not. I could be all these things suggested to me. But I'm not.

I'm not because there are already far too many literary sparrowfarts who posture and pontificate on matters cinematic. I'm not because I think a review of a given film or movie should be. . . fun. Enjoyable.

And it should be a reflection of ME.

If I say a given film or movie sucks it is me saying this. Not some PR kit from a movie studio within the Hollywood Machine. If I say a given film or movie is good I am saying this. Me. The guy who is given to wearing shorts in the haunting cold of winter because this is my style.

Which brings me, long way around, to the topic this time around:

"The Tuxedo", starring Jackie Chan.

In a nutshell: I liked this movie. But more on this later.

Superficially "The Tuxedo" is a formula movie. But look again and see that Chan is having fun at the expense of the big boys (with whom he will probably never play--because, incidentially, he does not want to do so): James Bond, specifically.

"The Tuxedo" opens as do the James Bond movies to date: With a scene or sequence that has almost nothing whatsoever to do with the actual movie. In the case of "The Tuxedo" this scene, this sequence is about a deer urinating in a mountain stream.

For what it's worth, the plot of "The Tuxedo" does involve water: The bad guy--more on him in a moment or two--wants to add an ingredient to the global water supply. An ingredient that will cause anyone who drinks from this supply to dehydrate and die. Not nice, of course. But there is a way out: Buy water only from the bad guy. Which, of course, costs more than a few coins.

Now think about this: Since people who tend to drink bottled water are health sorts, this will probably mean all the fat and lazy sorts will dry up and die.

But it also means the fish and the birds and the aforementioned deer, who don't have ready access to bottled water, will also die.

Again, superficially, this movie is a predictable effort. Even the dry-up-and-die villain. But look again and see you have a clever send-up of almost every action hero movie or film made to date.

Not to worry. Jackie Chan, with his canon of physical comedy and antics can and does more than make up for any shortcomings that crop up such movies as this.

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