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The Tuxedo

© James C. Hess

Several years ago, when dinosaurs still walked the Earth and no one had heard of Bill Clinton, an acclaimed and award-winning writer of fiction I know invited me to his office.

As a student of human nature I knew what this invite was actually all about: He wanted to lecture me on--as he saw it--squandering my writing talent and ability.

I was right on this. I was wrong. It turned out his lecture consisted of a piece of advice, that went like this: You, he said. Are a writer. You have always been a writer. You will always be a writer. Even if you stopped writing today you will always be what you are: A writer.

Now. If you decide to continue writing you will, at some point, attract attention. Attention that comes by way of those known as 'fans'.

He sighed, rolled his eyes, and squirmed in his chair: There are fans, he continued. And there are fans.

There are fans who will never bother you. They are individuals who, should they meet you on the street or in the grocery store, will simply confirm you are who they think you are and say 'thank you', and go on their way, to wait for your next literary effort.

Then there are fans who will make your life a living hell.

He leaned close to me and said: Do whatever you can to avoid the latter.

Looking back I should have taken heed of this wise advice. I didn't and, for some time now, every time a new review appears in this space a note follows. It comes by way of a fan. A fan who would make my life a living hell.

This individual is of the opinion I am squandering my writing talent and ability writing reviews for the effort called 'Suite 101'. According to this individual I should be writing for something like, oh, "Rolling Stone" or "Premiere" or even "The New Republic" (Do they publish film and movie reviews?). This individual is of the opinion my reviews are pointless and useless because 'no one reads them. . . and they should be read'. This individual is of the opinion I should be 'more formal and academic' in my reviews because I am the sort who can write such efforts successfully and convincingly. For what it's worth: I think this particular individual is correct on all counts. I am, on one level, squandering my writing talent and ability writing reviews for Suite 101. I should be writing for the big boys--"Rolling Stone", "Premiere", or even "The New Republic". My reviews are pointless and useless because 'no one' (and who is 'no one', anyway?) reads them. I should be more formal and academic in my reviews.