My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Several years ago, for reasons no longer important nor relevant, I found myself employed as a screenwriter, in the employment of an independent filmmaker who fancied himself an Artist.
Make that: A*R*T*I*S*T.
This fellow was so keen on himself he had to live alone. There was, simply, no room in his life or his apartment (squalid and very spartan, incidentially) for anyone else, owing much to his ego and the sheer size of it.
As I was saying: For reasons no longer important nor relevant I found myself in his employment as a screenwriter. Which is to say--well, you know that scene in "Liar, Liar" when Jim Carey is 'kicking his own ass' ? That was me. And I was engaging in such things not just a few minutes at a time, but twelve, fifteen, twenty hours a day, in the capacity of humble scribe.
Now I know what you may be thinking, but let me assure you: There is no paycheck big enough to cover the abuse I had to suffer at this fool's hands (and I didn't, for very long: More on why momentarily). Anyway, the film, the, uh, cinematic masterpiece this A*R*T*I*S*T was creating had a principal shooting schedule of sixty nine days. By the third day of the shoot it was apparent to everyone except the A*R*T*I*S*T* that continuing on the current schedule would result in a shooting schedule not of sixty nine days but approximately six hundred ninety days.
Which, as you might correctly conclude, did not please the producer, who had foolishly agreed to bankroll this particular insanity circus. (Replete with a big top and three rings, thank you very much.)
So it was decided something had to be done, and fast, to bring this out of control production under control, with the first solution being the obvious: Fire the director, the A*R*T*I*S*T*.
Which would have been possible except for one thing: The director, the A*R*T*I*S*T*, had a contract for the duration of the production which included an iron clad clause that said, simply, if he were fired from the production as director he would still hold his credit as 'producer' of said production. Which, in a nutshell, meant he could continue to make remarks and demands on how things were done.
Imagine, if you will, being the hired gun who had to come in behind this guy and clean up the mess he had made, while he stood over your shoulder telling YOU how YOU were doing things wrong.
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