Someone Like You
Some day.
Some day man will walk on the moon's surface and conspiracy theorists will not denounce it.
Some day men will, collectively, come to understand why putting the toilet seat DOWN is so important.
Some day women will believe man when he says he is not thinking about anything.
Some day the Hollywood machine will actually make a romantic comedy that does not cause me to fling large, greasy quanties of poorly popped popcorn at the movie screen in disgust as reply.
For today, though, we must suffer through such mindless, banal, idiotic wetwork as "Someone Like You": A brainless, dumb, dumb, dumb attempt to quantify why men and women fall in love, and why, when in this state, they do and say the things they do.
And some day the Hollywood machine will understand telling a good story is more important than creating vehicles for stars and would-be stars with names like Ashley Judd.
Yes: Ashley Judd, who stars in "Someone Like You", as Jane. Jane, to put it simply, is a woman with a theory. (This makes her unique, different from other women how, exactly?) A theory that came about because Jane because read an article in the science section of her local newspaper. The article reported, claimed, suggested that a study has found there is no way to get a bull to sexually service the same cow twice. Paint a used cow a different cow, put a bell around its neck, spray with perfume, but know this: The bull, once it has mounted its conquest, will not return.
Oh, by the way: The bull is actually man.
And man, once he has had a cow, will move to new territory.
All right, so that is not exactly how this particular theory is stated, according to this movie or the article cited, but you get the idea and you quickly understand what this movie, superficially, is really about: Men are swine, pigs, who are NOT devoted to one moo-cow, er, woman, so women, through time, without exception, are victims of sexual politics, which, at their point of origination, is about pursuit and conquest.
Talk about your basic pile of steaming--
I digress.
As previously noted Judd plays Jane. Jane Goodale. NOT Jane Goodall. Jane Goodale. And unlike Goodall, Goodale is not into monkeys or chimps or primates. She is part of the staff of a daytime talk show hosted by Ellen Barkin.
I know: So?
Also on the staff of this talkfest are Ray (Greg Kinnear) and Eddie (Hugh Jackman). Both of them, according to the context of this movie, are garden-variety sexual pigs. Ray is in a relationship. Eddie is not. But Eddie is the poster child (so sayeth the script) of the Old Cow, New Cow and Lots of Bull Theory: He has a New Cow in his bedroom almost every night.
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