America's Sweethearts
© James C. Hess
Said the boat builder, upon hearing the unsinkable Titanic had sunk:
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Said Joe Roth, reportedly, upon seeing his shameless remaking of the classic "Singin' in the Rain", sinking at the box office like the Titanic:
Anyone know what happened to that Custer fellow at Little Big Horn?
Seriously, like the Titanic and The Battle of Little Big Horn, "American's Sweethearts" seemed like a good idea at the time, but is a disaster waiting to happen. And happen it will.
Make no mistake: "American's Sweethearts" is a deliberate remaking of "Singin' in the Rain". Which, given the fodder ground out of the Hollywood machine nowadays, is expected. Unfortunately, like so much of the aforementioned crap, "American's Sweethearts" lacks genius, focus, brilliance, all of which come from the famous couples within the story presented: A comedy about Hollywood.
Allow me to repeat: "American's Sweethearts" is a remake of "Singin' in the Rain". It is: Both movies open on famous couples with great onscreen chemistry; chemistry that goes to hide offscreen split and division. Both movies feature willy studio heads and yes-men, gopher sorts, sycophants. Both end with sneak previews that are doomed to failure.
The difference comes not in the changing of the Hedda Hopper character to a load of freeloading, parasitic, self-serving (and self-loathing) journalists, but--well, best to start at the beginning, and end at the end, and hope you can shrug this horror off without too much effort:
"American's Sweethearts" stars, predictably, Julia Roberts as the sweet-and-sugar Debbie Reynolds role, Catherine Zeta-Jones (Douglas?) as Jean Hagan, John Cusack as Gene Kelly (riiiight), Billy Crystal as Donald O'Connor, and Stanley Tucci as--more or less--Millard Mitchell, the ever-scheming studio head. To make things--gag--fresh and--wretch--original director Joe Roth has added two, (count 'em: Two!) relatively-speaking, twisted and perverted caricatures: Christopher Walken as the control-freak, neurotic, paranoid, auteur director, Hal Weidmann, and Hank Azaria as the Spanish lover, Hector. All of which are set against the troubled, multi-million-dollar production that will make or break a studio in Hollywood.
Now.
This, basically, is where "Singin' in the Rain" established its success and "American's Sweethearts" determined with melodorama unapologetic to fail: In "Singin' in the Rain" there was a can-do, up-beat, positive quality. In "American's Sweethearts" all this has been subverted for blatant, Politically Correct, negative, pessimistic, doom-and-gloom that IS the Hollywood machine.
