Coyote Ugly

Bruckheimer (for those who don't know owing to the fact they rightly fill their minds with more important facts) is the fellow, along with his late partner, Don Simpson, who believes movies are pleasure. Pure pleasure. Guilty pleasure, usually, that comes in the form of blatant tits-and-ass, wet t-shirts, and willing young women (never ugly) who will do just about anything to achieve--according to Bruckheimer--the American Dream. (Which, as far as I can tell, based on Bruckheimer's efforts of late, is manifested as soft core porn and the biggest explosion--Freudian in nature--possible. Think: A gun in your pocket is a sure sign of happiness and things to come.) All this, incidentally, in lieu of anything that might represent an actual plot and narrative. Piper Perabo stars in "Coyote Ugly" as one of many wenches ('whores' is what one fellow in the theater near me was heard to utter), who dances on a bar, pours straight shots down the throats of the willing, and engages in behavior that should send her straight to Hell. Or Bill Clinton's embrace.

Whichever comes first.

And in this movie, I wouldn't have been surprised to see a cameo by Bubba. Of course she doesn't all this just because. Oh, no. According to the Bruckheimer formula she does it for a specific reason: Perabo plays Violet, a working-class girl from South Amboy, New Jersey, who packs up one day, and moves to a really cheap apartment in Chinatown, and gets a job in Coyote Ugly, a bar that seems to explain a lot about human beings nowadays and why they talk on cell phones while driving and don't use their turn signals, so she can make money and get exposure in the hopes of becoming a singer. Does the word 'moronic' suggest anything at this point?

Now the thing is Violet can't succeed as a singer because she gets stage fright. But she doesn't have a problem getting up on the bar at Coyote Ugly, pouring drinks, dumping ice on customers who get into fights, and spraying people with the soda gun, all the while doing Broadway dance numbers alongside the sexy blonde who owns the joint, Lil (Maria Bello). Watching "Coyote Ugly" I was reminded of some of the student films I saw while in college.

Underfunded, most of those efforts, but much better than this so-called professional movie: Many shots in the movie are high-angle, looking down on the customers; the lighting is cheap slut neon, making those lit look like something out of a picture of Hell's damned; and the acting is non-existent.

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