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The Butterfly Effect

© James C. Hess

Fractal geometrics.

Late last year I got talked into auditioning would-be screenwriters for a screenwriting workshop.

That's right: Auditions for a screenwriting workshop. The logic and reasoning behind this particular notion was that since many actors have to audition for a role in a given film or movie--the end result of a script--so too should screenwriters. In doing so, it was explained to me, things might be simplified down the road when the actual production came along.

Riiight.

Horror stories I could tell of actual acting auditions that 'down the road' turned ugly: How it was a certain actor was cast in a role following his brilliant audition and how it was once the production began and the camera focused on him he became a certain pain in the rear who finally had to be fired from the production.

I digress. There I was, at this audition for a screenwriting workshop, feeling much like Simon, the hapless British pain in the backside of "American Idol" fame, trying my best not to be too rude when I said 'thank you' and banished would-be hucksters, hacks, and hyperbolists far, far away.

Then came 'Rick'. I won't bore with the minute surrounding 'Rick' except to note that 'Rick' was and is the type of person who one cannot have a reasonable conversation with because HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.

An interesting fact about 'Rick': He doesn't know everything, and what he does know could easily and readily fit on the sharp end of a pin.

'Rick', in a word, was an idiot. I kid not. If he actually had the word 'idiot' branded on him in a visible place and passerbys saw it they would probably respond: Isn't that redundant? so obvious is the fact 'Rick' was an idiot.

But again I digress. 'Rick' came to the audition with an idea for a screenplay he deemed would reinvent, revitalize cinema.

Genuinely interested all the judges on the panel asked him to expound.

Time travel, he exclaimed.

It was a pronouncement, not surprisingly, met by expletives, obscenities, and a new word involving cheeze-whiz, undeniably foul.

'Rick' was taken back by the collective hostility but pushed on: It's a good idea, he insisted. Boy-meets-girl. Boy-gets-girl. Boy-loses-girl. Boy-goes-back-in-time-to-regain--

'Thank you,' I interrupted.

'Rick' was quick to realize he was facing a hard task, but continued on.

Yeah, he said, his enthusiasm slightly diminishing. It's great, my idea.

I wish, one judge remarked.

'Rick' turned on him. You can do better, he demanded.

Actually, the judge said, gesturing at me. He can.

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