We have a dear friend and neighbor that was diagnosed with brain cancer about a year ago. Over the last year, we have watched the family go through some pretty rough times due to his illness and imposing death. One of the tenticles of the cancer was inoperative and it was "only a matter of time" before he died. Well, he finally died about two weeks ago.
I must say I was a little upset that no one notified us that he had passed away. We only found out because our daughter came home from school and told us that we had missed the funeral. I was a little hurt that we weren't told and therefore didn't get the opportunity to say goodbye to our friend. The other part that bothered me was that I thought the family didn't think enough of our friendship to let us know.
This is and was not the case. The truth be known, burying a loved one is extremely draining. It happens and you are just glad that it's over -- especially after a long drawn out illness. The last thing that you need is to call all your friends and let them know that the death has occurred and would you please come to the funeral. It's right up there with paying the pallbearers to attend and carry the casket to the gravesite. I apologize if this sounds overly callous, but I think you catch my meaning.
The point is, I - ME, needed to be more understanding as to why we weren't notified about the death. I didn't remember calling anyone and letting them know that my father-in-law had passed away. In fact, if I remember correctly, I don't even think I told my boss. I just took the day off for the funeral and returned the following day without saying a word. Is this because I was too caught up in myself? No - it's more like I didn't want the obligatory "I'm sorry" or "Can I do anything?" What can they do? In all reality, what can anyone do after a friend or family member has passed away?
My answer to this is simple = give them a lot of room. Do the small things. My boss' mother recently died from a short, but extremely painful and difficult fight with colon cancer. A neighbor asked the question (and actually meant it) "Can I do anything?" When my boss gave her a watery smile and answered no, the neighbor then asked if there was any small thing that needed to be done that was just too small to do, especially with the huge requirements of planning a funeral. My boss made the comment that she would love her carpets cleaned (I won't go into why they needed to be cleaned, I think the colon cancer explains enough). Next day, the cleaners arrived and presto, the carpets are done and that "little" thing was one less strain.
Go To Page: 1 2
