What we bring to a friend (or family member) in their stuggle before passing on to the next life can sometimes be the most important part of their release from this life. With Steve, we found that the small things were sometimes monumental to the family. There were three things that helped them so much:
1) Phone Calls. Health insurance issues can often present a huge problem, and to be frank, when your mind is on other things, seem insurmountable. Have a friend help you out with a phone call or two, even if it's just to pass along or gather information. Fortunately, my husband and Steve worked together so they had the same insurance company. We contacted the company and had them contact us for whatever they needed. It was one less burden for Steve's wife.
2) Entertainment. No, this doesn't mean you have to entertain your friend 24 hours, 7 days a week. It means, try to remember what they like and provide something you think they will enjoy. Steve and my husband had a common bond in hunting. We found some hunting videos and took them to the hospital and watched them with him. He slept part of the time, but while he was awake, he enjoyed what he saw. It also helps them with the talking thing -- sometimes, he was so tired that talking took even more out of him and the visit was hard on him. We also provided him books on tape. He put on a headset and listened to stories. Again, he didn't have to expend the energy required to talk.
3) Being there. It isn't always necessary to sit with a friend and gab his/her ear off. Just sitting there holding a hand can be more solace than you can imagine. They know you are there with them because you WANT to be, not because you have to come make small talk. I curled up on the couch while my husband and Steve were watching their hunting videos. Every once in a while I'd look over and he was fast asleep. It must have been subliminal because I fell fast asleep -- I felt horrible when I woke up, I felt like I had wasted a visit with a dear friend. He quickly put my fears to rest. He felt honored that I was comfortable enough with him that I could sleep. All his other friends had come and chatted and left. I stayed for quite a while and rested when he did. He was grateful for the company.
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