Limbo Losses

Last week's article introduced you to one of my favorite books -- "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" and the many wonderful insights the book has to offer. Well, I also mentioned the fact that not all losses are obvious. Some losses deal with the unknown....not knowing when things will happen, not knowing the outcome of situations, etc.

This week, I would like to delve a little deeper into the area of Limbo. Limbo losses often feel like this:

My life has fallen down around me before -- lots of time, for lots of reasons -- usually other people. And most of the time I was fortunate enough to have a large lump of that life hit me on the head and render me numb to the pain and desolation that followed. And I survived. And I live to love again. But this, this slow erosion from below -- or within -- it's me falling down around my live because you're still in that life -- but not really. Any you're out of that life -- but not quite. I do all right alone and better together, but I do very poorly when semi-together. In solitute I do much, in love I do more, but in doubt I only transfer pain to paper in gigantic Passion Plays complete with miracles and martyrs and crucifixions and resurrections. Come to stay or stay away. This series of passion poems is becoming a heavy cross to bare.

Being in "limbo" can produce feelings of utter anguish that is worse than the obvious losses such as death, divorce, unemployment, robbery, etc. Limbo produces such uncertainty that one cannot help but feel stress and frustration. Is this going to happen -- is that going to happen? Who knows?

Dealing with limbo is difficult but there are two basic guidelines that may help you through a tough time.

First, end the situation (if possible) so that it doesn't drag on and on. For example, if you have a relationship that needs to move forward but isn't, find a way to MAKE it move -- either forward or backward, but MAKE it move. Unfortunately, you may not always have the opportunity to end the situation due to other's control (i.e. test results from a doctor, news from a friend in a remote part of the world). When in those situations, hard as it may be, you must force yourself to move forward and worry when it's time. You cannot do anything about a situation until YOU KNOW what the situation is.

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