We forget.
It's become a standing joke between us. Every year since we got married, one or (more often) both of us forget our anniversary. At some point during the day, one of us will usually remember, and will call to wish the other one a happy anniversary. Or, someone else (my mother) will call and remind us.
It's certainly a little odd, but somehow it works for us.
Once we find out it's actually our anniversary, we sometimes have to change our schedules and commitments so we can spend time together. Luckily, neither of us feels slighted by the memory lapse.
Because opposites do attract, and it could easily have become a source of friction in our marriage.
At her website, Money Harmony, author and speaker Olivia Mellan takes it one step farther, and cites Mellan's Law for Couples:
"If opposites don't attract right off the bat, then they will create each other."
And that explains the huge role money plays in marital conflict.
According to Mellan, even if two people start out married life with similar spending personalities, one of them will eventually assume opposing characteristics. When two big spenders get hitched for example, one of them will continue to be a big spender, and the other one will likely become more frugal.
Sounds like money-problems and marriage are, well, made for each other. So if you sometimes think your relationship feels more like Imelda and Ebenezer than Romeo and Juliet, you're not alone.
Sadly, sometimes the money problems will prove to be the last straw for some marriages. Many other couples, however, manage to find their way through the financial minefield and the union remains intact, and even thrives.
Since every marriage is different, there seems little in the way of advice that will work for everyone. A couple of general things do seem worth mentioning if you and your better-half have hit a financial boggle:
- Talk About It
Most married people need to be reminded once in awhile that our partners are not mind-readers. If something is bugging you, you need to say so. If my spouse doesn't even know something is broken, how can he help fix it?
Also, it may help at this point to remember that marriage isn't 50-50. It's actually 100-100. Sometimes just a little change in perspective can make even the most sensitive issues easier to discuss and deal with.
- Find the Common Ground
Although you may be approaching it from different angles, the chances are probably pretty good that you both ultimately want the same thing. Maybe compromise is in order, maybe both of you could change a little, maybe your different money styles can complement each other, rather than conflict.
Go To Page: 1 2
| Here's the follow-up discussion on this article: | View all related messages |
For a complete listing of article comments, questions, and other discussions related to Donna Dunn's Thrifty Living topic, please visit the Discussions page.