Walking the line between friend and peer

Walking the fine line of "in charge" and friend is something that many people never figure out how to do. But when you are babysitting for older children, it is important to do so. Especially if you nanny for an older child, or spend a lot of time with them. How do you know what to do to make the child like you and feel comfortable around you, without the child forgetting that you are in charge. You are not their equal. Once you overstep that boundary, into friendship, you become their peer, and they are likely to no longer take orders from you, and respect your authority. Here are some things to do and not do to keep on top of the line.

What not to do:

Gossip. Refrain from any negative gossip. Don't "bash" anybody, especially siblings and family members. Gossip is a babysitter no-no in the first place, but don't mix that up with friendly conversation. It is okay to talk about how cute their aunt's baby is, or that the children next door got a dog. But don't say anything bad about anybody. If the children begin to engage in it, you can either gently tell them that that is not the way we talk about people, or ignore it. Whichever you feel is best. But don't partake in it. This brings you down to peer level. This also goes for teasing. Do not tease anybody, even if it is friendly teasing. You never know when it might hurt a child, and in a child's eyes, teasing is something a peer does to fit in. You don't want to be mistaken for somebody who wants to "fit in". You just want to keep the safe and happy.

Never let the child be more responsible than you. If you suggest something to do, and the child says that they aren't allowed to, for whatever reason, don't push the issue. Find something else to do. NEVER tell them that it's okay, you won't tell their parents. This, once again, is stepping into the peer side.

Be firm. If you have to tell the children to do something (or not to do something), tell them like you mean it. Say "You Need to do this," Instead of "Why don't you do this," or "Come on, do this." Posing it in the form of a question is close to begging. Don't beg. For little things, these forms are okay, but if it is important, be firm. Use a firm voice and follow up. If they don't do it, tell them again. Make sure they know that if they don't do what you say, there will be consequences. This lets them know you are boss. And you are not to be pushed around.

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