Why Can’t I get Past Endgame?

For those of you that don't know, Endgame is episode 20 in the fourth season of Babylon 5. I haven't even watched that few minutes of it. Only about three-quarters. I can't even finish the fourth season DVD and move to the fifth season. And believe me, I have watched this television show from day one and I have seen every episode, many of them over and over again.

It's been a few months now, and I still can't do it. Why? Some of you might be asking? Well, because between my two favorite characters, one lives and one dies. And this is a direct result of action taken by one of the characters. Death of one of these characters is a given. That's the way things have happened. And honestly, I wouldn't be happy if the other character died either. At this point, if you haven't seen these shows and you don't want to know what happened - stop reading.

Why did Marcus sacrifice himself for Ivanova? Simply because he loved her? I think that answer is too easy. She was the one thing that kept him going, besides being a Ranger. He knew his love was unrequited but he also thought this was the one thing he could do for her and to redeem himself for the loss of his family. Giving up his life was the ultimate sacrifice and it was the only way that he could make things right in his world. Being a Ranger for his brother was not enough - his brother was not there. Giving his life for someone worthy to him, because he couldn't give his life for his brother and family - that would even the score and settle the emptiness inside him. It also helped a woman he loved, when he thought he could not feel love. It didn't matter that Ivanova could not love him back.

Marcus was empty inside. He was damaged from the losses he had suffered at the hand of the Shadows. He lost his family - he didn't listen to his brother's warnings to leave. He blamed himself for what happened. None of this is new or even speculation. He and Delenn talk about this - she forced him to talk about it during the rebirth ceremony. He didn't want to participate because you have to give something up - and he feels he has nothing left. She corrects him gently - no, you can give up your guilt and blame. He is left to think about that. But can he do it?

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