The Family Bed in Toddlerhood
© Heike Boehnke
New parents often face the decision of “to do or not to do”, as this is a hot subject in the media. As with all the other decisions and dilemmas a first time parent is faced with, you have to choose what is right for you.
I personally advocate the Family Bed because I grew up that way, and it was a very natural transition for me to share the bed with my newborn. For me, this was the safest place for her to be, plus I was breastfeeding and was able to get a few hours of hard earned sleep that way! I often had to defend our decision against rude remarks and comments, but putting my daughter in a separate room at night was out of the question for both my husband and I.
That brings me to another important aspect. The Family Bed is wonderful, as long as all parts of the “family” support it. I say that because it takes a strong relationship to make that decision. Not only will you NOT ever have another chance to be spontaneously intimate with your partner J, but because there are just simple sleep issues. Babies move…and if you are a light sleeper, the presence of this little being can be a ticket to a wild ride! And yes, since your children will see YOUR bed as THEIR bed, you will have organize intimate getaways for you and your partner. Trust me, there is not a large ratio of one-child AP families out there!
We are living proof. My daughter just turned four, and my bed is hers. Even when I do put her in her own bed, by the time the sun rises, I feel her little feet on my back. I am now pregnant with my second child, due in Spring. One of the big issues my daughter had was: “Where is the baby going to sleep?” She has marked her territory in our bed, and that is final. Thank heavens for our Cal-King! This would be not time to insist she has to give up her spot, and we honestly did not consider it anyways. One of my husband’s early ponderings on our new baby was “I am glad we have a large bed, it is going to get pretty crowded”.
You will not read much about Toddlers and the Family Bed in the media. I believe most children have the instinct to sleep with their parents, no matter what age. It is highly accepted that a Toddler jumps in the parent’s bed if they are scared or sick, but it is still a curious novelty to many when you tell them your 4 old sleeps with you..ALWAYS! We as a family feel very strongly that this benefits my daughter, and that the new baby will benefit also.
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