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We will miss you, Papa

© Heike Boehnke

In Memory of my Father
Hans U. Boehnke
1/31/1939 - 4/29/2001

As you see, this article is in honor of my father, who just passed away yesterday. Though I am still dealing with the fact that he is “gone”, I have spent the last 3 weeks taking care of him, talking, thinking, planning, and thinking of myself growing old.

In these days, I would often look at my father with different eyes. I was looking at him as a mother, wondering if I would be like him in years to come, and if my daughter would be there for me. We spent many hours talking, and all the trials and tribulations of the past were forgotten. I took care of him, and his granddaughter was by his side, with the patience of an angel. I do have to chuckle thinking about the two of them on the bed, with Barney & Friends yodeling on the T.V. My father gave me a look of despair, but endured it because he cherished that my daughter was by his side.

His death took me by surprise, but I have peace. You see, I am writing this as a warning to all of you that have cut your parents from your life. Many of us swear we will do everything better than our parents did, and many times I hear of irreconcilable differences. There are things we feel we can never forgive.

I had many differences with my father, and he also did things I can never forgive. When he called me and asked for my help, I knew it took all his courage to pick up the phone. My hate and anger were replaced by fear, love, and respect for his fight for survival. I almost became like a mother to him, taking over and teaching. Even my husband, who had been treated badly by my father, put this entire aside and helped him without a second thought. During this whole time my father thanked us constantly, because he deep down he was knew he was wrong in the past, and he was thankful that our love for him was stronger that hate.

I have spent the day thinking about our life. Of course, all the mean and hateful things I said and thought crossed my mind, but I especially cherish some of the special things. My father spent days looking for blood donor for me when I had a near fatal car accident in 1990, and because we both have a rare blood type, my surgery was delayed until they could store enough blood to perform it. I remember our daughter/father dance at my wedding, and his short but sweet “PAPA, love you baby” on my wedding picture. Everyone tells me he couldn’t talk enough of my daughter, he was so proud of his grand baby that all the neighbors basically “heard” her grow.

The copyright of the article We will miss you, Papa in Attachment Parenting is owned by Donna Lauritzen. Permission to republish We will miss you, Papa in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.