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Stuck On You - Attached Dads

© Heike Boehnke

When I went to the "For Dads only" board to get some feedback on what dads think about AP and their experiences, I received a lot of "What's that?" After probing around some, I found that many dads today practice AP without knowing it. They call it "Gut instinct"!

More and more couples are working split shifts in order to stay financially stable and avoid daycare. This puts more responsibility into Dad's hands. He has to change diapers, give baths, prepare (nutritious!) meals, make Ouchies disappear and with a growing child the list continues. When mothers are the primary caregiver, fathers are usually not expected to perform those duties, and many avoid them. Not, like some moms think, necessarily out of laziness or disinterest, but because they are afraid of doing something wrong! I remember asking my husband to give our daughter a bath when she was about six months old. He admitted that he didn't want to bathe her because he was afraid of her "slipping out of his hands". So I sat through the first bath with him, and now it's routine for both of us. Fathers need to be given the chance to grow comfortable with some of the duties that were taken away from them for generations. We had a similar situation with "The Sling." My daughter loves to be carried in her sling, and sometimes it is just much more convenient than a stroller. My husband always voiced a fear of her falling out, so he never used the sling. On day we did a practice-carry in the house and the backyard: safe places where there was little movement involved. Wouldn't you know it? They both survived, and now he carries her constantly. He enjoys the closeness and the freedom. I also think he enjoys the attention…. people are always commenting on my two! For all dads who are interested: check out the "Sling Page" and "The Baby Book" by Dr. Sears. "The Baby Book" devotes a whole chapter to carrying baby, and demonstrates the snuggle hold, the perfect fit for dads.

For too long, childcare was not the "manly" thing to do, today some fathers are reversing the roles and are giving up their careers to stay home with their children. Stay-at-home-dads support groups are sprouting up everywhere. They work just like the traditional "Playgroups". The "MR. MOM" image of Dad in the middle of chaos at home, playing Bridge with the Stay-at-home-moms is outdated. The Internet features sites like Parent Soups' "Just for Dads" chat board and "Moms Refuge," which has a section dedicated to Dad. Fathers are becoming a prominent figure in the childcare world, and society is getting used to it. There are still some, as you can see in past discussions on this topic, that feel that Mom is the preferred attached parent and Dad should be the main breadwinner, but those roles are outdating themselves with changing times. In times of single parents and women earning equivalent salaries to their male counterparts, those set roles of past generations do not fit any more. My husband is with my daughter for most of the day, so he is the one who feeds her breakfast, dresses her, takes her to appointments, to the park, etc., not mom.