In Defense of Attachment Parenting
© Donna Lauritzen
Much of the popular parenting advice circulating today is based not upon forming a close attachment with your child, but rather upon finding a way to meet his needs in the most minimal way possible, so that you can go about your life. Babies who are held a lot are rumored to grow up spoiled. Respond to your babies cries at night, and you might raise a child who will never be able to lull herself to sleep.Breastfeeded past a year (or six months, or four months, or six weeks, depending on who is giving the advice) and... well who knows what the consequences to that might be? Maybyou will ll be forced tbreastfeeded the child all the way through college? This advice sounds ridiculous to attachment parents; still, it's difficult to continue to receive "well-intentioned" advice like this, several times a day or several times a week.
I know many attachment parents who question their parenting choices, mostly because they receive a constant barrage of advice such as this. Why DO we hold our children as much as possible, even "wearing" them in a sling or other baby carrier? Why DO we respond to our babies when they cry, and not leave them to learn to soothe themselves? Why DO we continuebreastfeedfeed past the "conventional" time, and why DO we practice child-led weaning? Is our child going to be nursing right until he goes off to college? Or high school? Or even grade school? What are the implications of our parenting choices?
The simple answer to the question, "Why do we do these things?" is this: We do them, because our instincts tell us they are the right thing to do. Never underestimate instinct. We must remember that WE are the ones who carried our babies with us for nine months, before we even saw their faces or felt their breath on our cheeks. We know our children intimately, in a way that no other could possibly know them. If we pay attention to our instincts, we will know what our children need, and we will provide for those needs.
Even when we remind ourselves of this on a daily basis, the comments we receive from others who question our parenting choices wear thin. How can we effectively handle those who criticize our choices? When thinking about some of the comments and criticism I have received, and which others have received, a few "answers" come to mind. For example:
| Here's the follow-up discussion on this article: | View all related messages |
For a complete listing of article comments, questions, and other discussions related to Donna Lauritzen's Attachment Parenting topic, please visit the Discussions page.