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Adolescence and Asperger Syndrome

© Barbara Fowler

I am fortunate (or unfortunate, depending upon how you look at this situation) to have two sons going through early adolescence at the same time! My sons are only 15 months apart with the older one having Asperger Syndrome. There is a huge difference in the ways that each son is coping with the arrival of adolescence.

While I see that my younger son is really enjoying a certain amount of popularity, freedom and independence, he still reverts back to wanting to be taken care of in certain situations - not quite ready to give up his childhood yet, but working towards it.

My older son (who has always seemed to be "Peter Pan" like) is having great difficulty with this stage in his life. He seems to be fighting it every step of the way!

All through the growth spurt, voice changing, and appearance of pimples my son complained bitterly about puberty, clearly annoyed with the changes occurring in his body. He has never been self conscious about his looks and is not particularly concerned about making a "good impression" by combing his hair, dressing neatly or brushing his teeth. Any amount of pleading on my part has always been met with "well, people don't have to look at me if they don't like what they see". He has developed a certain amount of scorn for his brother who spends hours grooming himself in front of the mirror.

One good thing about my older son's attitude towards the latest fad is that I know he won't get involved in it. He has definite interests and wearing brand name clothing isn't one of them. My younger son, on the other hand, would die before he wore anything to school that didn't have a big "sports name" on it.

Independence seems to be an issue of concern for my older son. He takes one step forward and two steps back. For example, due his difficulties navigating from place to place, I have always either met him at school, or had an older boy walk him home until this year. This year, with his younger brother at the same school, they can walk home together. This plan lasted about two months, then my older son decided that he would rather walk home alone because he got home faster and he didn't have to put up with the social crowd that hangs around his younger brother. After a month of walking home alone, my son has decided that he really doesn't like that because he is worried about getting hit by a car. So, we are back to square one with me picking him up from school every day and I know that eventually, he will indicate when he is ready to take on this responsibility again. I have been advised by the school counsellor that this "one step forward and two steps back" is very common in adolescents and it may take the entire year for my son to become comfortable walking home from school.