Asperger's Syndrome and Lack of Tact

Putting things tactfully is an art that seems to escape my 12 year old son who has Asperger's Syndrome. We have been working on this issue for a number of years without much success. Unfortunately, the lack of "putting things tactfully" tends to get my son into all kinds of trouble, particularly in the school environment.

The other day a situation occurred that illustrates this difficulty. When my son entered the school 1 minute early at recess time, a supervisor said "You can't come in yet, it's too soon." My son replied "My watch says 10:10, so it's time to come in." The supervisor responded with "Well, the school clock says 10:09, so you still have one minute to go." This is where the situation got tricky. There were many ways that my son could have responded tactfully. He could have told her that he was very proud of the fact that his watch keeps the correct time, he checks it every morning before he goes to school. He could have told her that the school clocks have the wrong time on them. Instead he said "Well, I can't help it if this school has crappy clocks!" The situation then escalated to the point of ridiculousness.

Had the supervisor known that my son hates anyone telling him that his watch has the wrong time, she may have been prepared for the blow up that occurred. Had my son realized that people don't appreciate being talked to that way, he might have had second thoughts about his choice of words. In the end the situation was resolved by the Special Needs teacher who spoke to my son and made him apologize to the supervisor.

I cannot blame the supervisor for thinking that she was dealing with an "obnoxious child" and I do feel strongly that my son should realize that he cannot go through life speaking to other people as if they are insignificant insects, however, turning this kind of behaviour around is very difficult. It is a lot of work to get my son to appreciate another person's feelings. Sometimes it takes many conversations and we have the odd success, when he realizes why the other person got upset with him and thinks of ways that he may have been more tactful. Other times, especially if the person who is upset with him is a teacher or school personnel, we cannot seem to get through to him - his thinking becomes very rigid.

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