Is Your Child a Hermit? Or Is It Asperger's Syndrome?

Many asperger's children and adults would prefer to spend time by themselves rather than cope with the hustle and bustle of the outside world. Social interactions with other people are fraught with the danger of perceiving the situation incorrectly or saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Certain noises are irritating and grate on their nerves, while other children are afraid of getting lost on their way somewhere.

When our son started kindergarten, we couldn't get him to do anything else during before and after school times. It was as if going to school used up all his energy and he just wanted to come home, be by himself for awhile (3 hours) and regain his equilibrium. At the time, we had no idea he had Asperger's Syndrome, so we would try to get him to tell us what had happened at school only to be met with "I don't want to talk about it". Eventually, kindergarten proved so stressful that he wanted to stay home all the time and never leave the house.

This is typical of asperger's children because life as they know it is so much more difficult than the average child's life and many asperger's children are unable to explain what the problems are to their parents, or even to their teachers. Many asperger's children are very bright and can easily see that they are not the same as the other children in the classroom but they cannot understand exactly what that difference is, or why they are different. Hence, they take a defensive position such as "I don't need anyone, I don't need any friends and I don't like any of the kids in my class".

Whatever special interest my child was focused on at the time was easier to handle than this minefield of social interaction. Besides, a lot of the social interactions are just not logical! My son didn't like repeating himself when other children didn't understand what he was talking about and he didn't like explaining himself to the teacher either. Over the next few years he became more Hermit like in his behaviour. When he got a day off from school he preferred to stay home and play by himself, resisting efforts to go to the beach or do anything involving other people.

When we did make him accompany us on a family outing, he made the experience rather dreadful. When we resorted to bribery, as soon as he obtained the bribe, that was it, he wanted to head for home! We have since learned to prepare him for outings, schedule them during the time of day that is best for him (you cannot rush him out of the house first thing in the morning) and pick outings that he has at least a slight interest in. At other times, we have hired a sitter to stay home with him and he has been quite happy with that arrangement.

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