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Tolerance Towards Others

© Juli B

As the parent of an Asperger's child, one must possess an adequate amount of patience, acceptance, tolerance and a good dose of humor on a regular basis. At least those are the ingredients for sanity in my household.

Now that Andy is getting older and getting out more on his own, I'm finding that not only do we have to keep that same level of patience, acceptance and tolerance in check with respect to him, we are also forced to apply those very same gems towards people he encounters in his daily life.

At first glance, one would be hard pressed to realize that my intelligent, outgoing child could be anything less than "normal" (for lack of better words). And actually, who's to say that he is not "normal" and everybody else is a little off? Regardless, there are no immediate attributes that would set Andy apart from other 10-year-old kids.

Therein of course lies the problem - expectations for my socially challenged, highly emotional aspie are equivalent to those of his peers. Unfortunately, his wiring puts him in a totally different playing field.

I'm not one to hold back any information about Andy.....as long as it's relevant for long-term success. Teachers of course are privy to the workings of my child. As are theater directors, parents of friends and anybody else that may have dealings with my child for any period of time.

It's the ones that cross paths with my child on any given day that make me cringe at their ignorance at times. It's the woman we encounter at the video store who shows her annoyance toward my movie-buff's probing and persistent questioning with respect to a 1960's version of The Music Man.

It's the burning stares of customers in the local supermarket as my 10-year-old child becomes totally irrational at the discovery that they are out of Peanut M&M's.

It's the man on the street that is only too quick to pipe in "if that were my kid, I'd be beating him" as my overly exhausted aspie whines to go home.

I used to get upset over reactions Andy garnered from others. I would be embarrassed at the attention drawn to us. But more importantly, I would be angered by some of the cruel and heartless comments from people that didn't know my child or what the situation was.

I have since stopped letting it bother me. I have adopted the act of patience towards ones not in the know. I have accepted the fact that they are in the dark with respect to Andy's issues and therefore can not see to give Andy the benefit of the doubt.