All in the ABC Family

Have you ever seen ABC Family’s line up? They have one of the most piss-poor blocks of programming in all of television. I mean, their general programming is just horrible. I think that there are a grand total of TWO good shows worth watching on there, and both of those programs can barely pass muster as legitimate entertainment.

Let’s start with “Beyblade”. No, let’s not start with “Beyblade”. I want to, instead, take a look at “Shinzo”. “Shinzo" is a drippingly-stylish anime series about Enterrans (genetically engineered aliens--hmmm) who have completely taken over Earth. Only one (yes, it always has to be just ONE, doesn’t it?) human--who has awakened from some kind of 500-year sleep--can find a mysterious yet magical place called “Shinzo”, where the key to survival is held. The entire series is focused on this young heroine’s (her name is Yakumo) efforts in getting the power to defeat the evil that has ravaged the land.

How nice. NEXT. ABC pulls a fast one by yet again re-airing “Spiderman: Unlimited”, the failed spin-off of the animated series--which originally aired on Fox and was cancelled in just eight months, then was subsequently re-aired and again cancelled. I mean, why bother? Following that, comes “Spiderman”. Not to be confused with the ones that were produced in the 90’s (but sometimes, they get aired too), most times the channel show the classic 60’s and 70’s Spidey cartoons. And following that is another airing of “Beyblade”, “Big Guy and Rusty”, a whole slew of “Power Rangers” programming and after that, the time belongs to Mary Kate & Ashley (occasionally). I can’t believe that the only shows worth watching (and, to repeat what I’ve been saying throughout this article these programs are at their very best, mediocre) are “Braceface” and “Totally Spies”. Sad all around.

But of course, the point being is that this is what happens when you’ve acquired a new channel, and you desperately need to fill up some programming slots. You, as a upper-echelon corporate slave, must find a cheap way to resolve this situation--and maintain high ratings, of course. So you import anime programs on the cheap, and fill up the rest of the programming block with warmed-over, canceled retreads. I’m not surprised. That’s the Disney motto.

(Thanks to TV Guide, and www.pazsaz.com.)

Questions/comments? E-mail me at mrallennys@aol.com

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