And like most married couples,( et al.) sometimes such conversational spinning winds up getting one, the other or both feeling a bit warped. (Or is it 'woofed'?) One such filament, which we follow like a trail through a forest to the next knotted tangle, concerns our respective cultures and societies - she is Chinese and I am not.
But she doesn't hold that against me. Normally.
In the tradition of her culture's great sages, she related a parable the other day to me as we unwound a conversational skein regarding the education of children in Chinese society. This was the story of climbing the tree of life.
The story goes like this: A priest, an arms dealer and a rabbi are stranded in a rubber dinghy...
Sorry. Wrong story.
A Chinese mother finds her son climbing a great, magnificent tree. She screams from fright startling the poor kid so he barely manages to save himself from falling. The mother screams at him again, "What are you doing? Are you insane? Do you want to kill yourself? Get down now!" The boy dutifully clambers down under a continuous barrage of parental perturbation. When he gets back to the ground, she cuffs him repeatedly, shrieking relentlessly about his reckless and irresponsible behavior. She then breaks down weeping from fright and anger and is lead back home by her penitent offspring who affirms his vow of unending filial devotion and a future aversion to all arboreal adventures.
Then, a Japanese mother finds her son climbing the same wonderfully tempting tree. She calmly makes her presence known to him. He stops his climbing and sheepishly awaits her direction. She tells him that if he truly wants to climb the tree, he must do so with a singleness of purpose; he must climb all the way to the top. Stopping short of the highest branches, he is told, would be disgraceful and bring dishonor to himself and his family. The boy considers the serious import of his boyish actions and returns to the ground to follow his mother home in silent contemplation.
Next, an American mother finds her son climbing this ever-so-inviting tree. She watches him for a moment, sharing vicariously in his joyful adventure. When he falters, she gasps and says, "Be careful." The boy renews his climb with a smile, the mother all the while offering encouragement and advice. After reaching a disquieting height, the boy decides to climb down. The mother waits for him, gives him a warm embrace and tells him how proud she is of his accomplishment. The boy confidently tells her that he'll go higher next time. They walk off together.
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