Passage Into Paradise - A Caregiver's Journey - PART THREE

all human energy for absolutely nothing! Sovereignty must be the acceptance of what was, what is and what yet will be - and simply to learn the lessons which life teaches you in the crucible!

September 28, 1995

I remember as a child that Mom used to tell me that I wasn't planned, that I had cost her all opportunity to achieve greatness for herself. Funny, at the end of her life, I wasn't the OBSTACLE at all, but the SOURCE of meaning for her life! It's not what we DO, what we EARN, or who we BECOME that matters at the end of our lives - what matters most is that someone loves us. While Mom was pushing me aside and chasing that illusive dream of fame and fortune, it was ME in the end who would come to mean most!

Nothing else will ever matter more to me when I come to eternity's entrance - Only those I have loved and who have loved me will matter. Gold, money, clothes, intellectual degrees - All will fade away as I grow older. My HEALTH will fail, as will my EYES and MEMORY - But, LOVE NEVER FAILS! LOVE ENDURES! Jesus tried to teach us and reach us with this truth - but society says settling for love alone is just not enough! But love lives inside of us - and when we leave our mortal bodies, we take whatever love is there inside us - everything else gets left behind. Mom has lost all her material possessions, has only the threads on her back, doesn't even own her bed. She can't remember events, experiences or people - but, SHE KNOWS SHE IS LOVED! That knowledge she can take with her into eternity! So simple, yet profound...

October 1, 1995

I realized that as a child I was punished a lot by being made to stand in the corner. Usually, this was in front of the whole class, and I felt forgotten, exploited and invisible. Class went on as if I wasn't even there, like I had never existed! Now I feel I am standing in the corner while life passes me by - not only am I overlooked, forgotten and punished - but it's as if I never existed at all! This is deeply rooted in me and I feel GOD has punished me by sentencing me to "life in the corner" - no way out,

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