Passage Into Paradise - A Caregiver's Journey - PART THREE

are we? I guess that's how we "wake up" in Heaven - We are not aware of the actual dying process at all - we just PASS THROUGH IT! Though I pass through the valley of the shadow of death - Now, it makes sense - We sort of sleepwalk through it and wake up on the other side! But what about those of us who are forced to witness the actual dying process? That is a very SCARY thought! I will miss that part of Mom that hasn't totally left me yet - I guess I will miss her SPIRIT, since her mind has been leaving, chunks at a time, for many years.

September 25, 1995

Talked to a really old friend who confirmed all I have been going through for 3 years! She took care of her own mother and the symptoms matched exactly. She described the strokes, the puking, the eliminations from the belly to the toes, the shrieking, screaming, confusion as to day and night, delusions, hallucinations, forgetfulness, senility, seizures, comas, convulsions and death rattles. I was astounded that she had lived through the identical situation over 40 years ago - At least I know that I am not alone. She said when Mom moans, it is her spirit crying out for release - that when she dies, I should see her laughing in Heaven and rejoice, because she is free! She knows I am plagued with doubts because I have been so isolated for many years - But that if I know I write words from God, not myself, then how can I then NOT believe those very words?!! I guess it's a basic lack of trust in God. She also confirmed that Mom's struggle has somewhat to do with timing too - She told me I would always have to follow GOD's words to me, I cannot go by what I see, or hear, or what others suggest or imply. They can only be used as confirmation, not guidance. She also said I am the only ministering spirit in Mom's life - I am standing in the gap - What an awesome responsibility!

September 26, 1995

Jesus has a heart for refugees! A refugee is one who is driven out from their homeland, safety, security, everything that they've ever known - and put to flight in a foreign land, left to wander aimlessly, struggling to survive in a

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