You will find this story at times moving, sad, frightening, at times almost too honest. But we hope you will come away moved and inspired and informed. This month's article covers the caregiving year of 1995. Please return next month for the continuation of this moving account of caregiving.
January 17, 1995
Things have been hell since Christmas. First, I got a bad flu bug that effects the respiratory system. I ran fever constantly and couldn't breathe. The second week, I thought I was better, but went to the doctor because my sinus and neck hurt so badly. Turned out, I had a really bad infection and I wasn't getting well at all. The doctor gave me a shot and pills - then things got even worse. I had to hold onto Mom's bed railings in order to feed her and clean her. Once I even sat on the floor - just floated down there, like Mom used to do with her strokes. She just laughed and laughed watching me look like a clown - It was a very good memory. Then I gave the "cooty flu" to Mom, who thankfully only struggled for 4 days with it. But on the worst night, she came very close to dying. Her fever was 102 degrees and she couldn't breathe. She had two strokes, back to back. First she couldn't open her eyes, speak, swallow or cough. She tried to throw up, but couldn't move. Then her right arm started swinging madly and beating on the kleenex box. I held her arm lightly, so not to injure the muscles and bones - and she was slamming both of our arms down! Next day, she had no memory of it - But she did seem to recover quite quickly. All of this happened at the same time and I feel I reached a breaking point for awhile. I still shake a lot inside, have poor appetite, can't sleep, have constant nightmares and incessant thoughts about death. I know I am really on the edge - but two years of watching Mom die, combined with three weeks of caring for a household of sick people, proved to be too much for me to handle.
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