Never Say Never: New Year's Resolutions for Caregivers

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Jan 26, 2003

By this late in January many of us have already broken some if not all of our New Year's Resolutions. Someone brings a tempting dessert to share in the lounge at work, and it looks too good to resist, in spite of our New Year's resolution about dieting. And it is just too cold outside to continue our walking/exercising when we could be warm and cozy inside with a cup of coffee and a book or the Internet to surf. But it's never to late to try, and for caregivers, each day is a new day to resolve to make life as pleasant as possible for the person with Alzheimer's.

In thinking of what New Year's resolutions a caregiver might make, I found a wonderful list in the form of a flash-card entitled "The Ten Absolutes of Caregiving for Alzheimer's Patients", located on Dr. Robert Stall's Web site. These were taken from a seminar done by Jo Huey of the Greater New Orleans Patient and Family service Committee and reprinted in the Western New York Alzheimer's Association Chapter's Newsletter.

1. Never argue, instead, agree
2. Never reason, instead, divert
3. Never shame, instead, distract
4. Never lecture, instead, reassure
5. Never say remember, instead, reminisce
6. Never say "I told you", instead, repeat
7. Never say "You can't", instead, "Do what you can"
8. Never command, instead, ask or model
9. Never condescend, instead, encourage and praise
10. Never force, instead, reinforce

I cannot think of a better set of resolutions for getting along with an Alzheimer's patient, and making each day more pleasant for both patient and caregiver. These are not always so easy to accomplish, but the difference they make is certainly worth the effort. Caregivers must remember that in the confusion that Alzheimer's brings, especially in the stages where the patient has delusions and hallucinations, arguing or trying to correct the patient only brings agitation, increases catastrophic reactions, and just makes life harder for everyone involved. The natural response of a caregiver may be to try to correct the person, to tell them their delusions or hallucinations are not real, in an effort to calm them, but the effect upon the patient is often negative. They will not be convinced that what they have seen in a hallucination or a dream they just had is not really happening. The caregiver must learn to agree, and then to divert their attention, distracting them from what is upsetting them, and being as reassuring as possible.

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