My Year to Remember and Since: Alzheimer's and After, Part I
you too, that I'm your baby,
I'm your Sue.
Why have you forgotten me?
I'm right beside you; can't you see?
Mama, please look into my eyes,
please know me some.
Please tell me you love me
and that you're glad I've come.
Written October 1994 Copyright 1994-2002 Brenda Parris Sibley)
Winter was hard that year. Taking walks outside helped when my mother was confused, but when it was too cold to go out, the confusion was worse. I ordered flower and vegetable seeds and looked forward to Spring.
COME SPRING
Things will be better come Spring I know
when all the world is abloom.
Our walks will be long and frequent then
when the garden comes alive and the birds sing a tune.
The garden spot I'm planning there will be
your favorite place, just wait and see.
No more days of sitting in the house;
You and I will be out all the time.
You can walk through the garden or sit on the bench,
and I'll work in the soil, the pleasure's mine.
With flowers abloom all around you,
you'll feel better then.
We will picnic in the garden
on fresh vegetables we've grown;
It will all be more pleasant
than anything you've known.
Yes, though now in the dead of winter,
all will be well come Spring
when the vegetables grow in the garden
and the birds gather round the flowers to sing.
(Written November 1994 Copyright 1994-2002 Brenda Parris Sibley)
The night confusion seemed to increase every month that winter. Many nights we were up much of the night as my mother wandered through the house or sat in her chair, refusing to go back to bed.
WAITING FOR THE MORNING
I sit awake with you
in the scary midnight darkness,
telling you everything is okay,
calming you down after a dream,
holding your hand as you wander,
searching through the house
for remains of your former life.
I sit as you sleep in your chair,
when you won't go back to bed,
knowing you will wake in terror,
afraid of a dream, afraid of not knowing,
afraid of everything.
And sometimes you won't hear,
my words will be as meaningless
as the ones you sometimes say.
And perhaps you will reach out,
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