I had suffered from panic disorder for six years before I became agoraphobic to the degree where I couldn't leave the house. In this article I just want to explain what being housebound and agoraphobic was like to me. Firstly to hopefully make others in the same situation feel less alone, but also to help those who have trouble understanding why, and what it is like to be severely agoraphobic
I became housebound initially after going through a tough time in my life. Strangely just previously to it my anxiety levels were about the best they had been since my anxiety disorder began. I remember clearly the panic experience that brought me to start avoiding more and more. I think part of the immense fear and avoidance that occurred afterwards stemmed from the fact the attack came after being almost panic free for months. It was also a scary situation as I was about an hour from home at the time and during the drive back I was panicking. From here my anxiety and my avoidance of things spiralled. It didn't take me long before I couldn't go further than 10 minutes from my house, in my car, without experiencing panic. From here, that ten minutes became five minutes and the area in which I felt safe within and non anxious became smaller and smaller. Until eventually I couldn't drive around the block. When I look back now, if I had treated that particular panic attack in a different way I don't think I would have become housebound. I couldn't see that it was just a small setback. That perhaps it was a one off. Instead I brought more panic and more anxiety all stemming from something I had been through a thousand times previously and survived.
Being agoraphobic and housebound, to me, was a situation that brought with it many catches and many struggles. From getting myself food, to loss of social contact and self-esteem, it literally affected nearly every area of my life. I became a professional at excuses and on most days it was even hard just to work out how I would get food for my dinner let alone how I was going to conquer this anxiety and regain my life. Every time I stepped outside the door I would feel as though the entire world would swallow me up. I felt faint and couldn't feel my legs. The whole world would look somewhat unreal to me. I would panic.
