Therapy, Part 2

Well, I'm late again this week. I managed to drive myself to Monticello yesterday and start the application process for a training grant so that I can work at the local paper. Next week I have to do it again and apply through a different agency. Oy. I'm proud of myself but I'm also physically and emotionally exhausted. Good excuse to do a lazy writer's article this week. Mostly links to what I hope are good sources of information about the different kinds of therapy available and how to choose a therapist.

I think it's important to state again that not every therapist is right for every client. Sometimes someone who is the perfect therapist for Person A doesn't have the right characteristics to be helpful to Person B. This is an intensely intimate relationship. If you don't feel safe with your therapist or Spiritual Director, he or she is the wrong person. That's a tricky understanding for shame-based people pleasers. If there's a problem in the relationship, it must be us, right? Nope. There are some very unhealed people out there with licenses to practice therapy along with some very good ones. Before I found the fabulous and amazing Dr. Jim, I briefly saw a therapist who had a good reputation but - I'm sorry, reputation or not - was a profoundly troubled and damaging person. Before I realized that I had referred a friend to her and we both suffered from the experience. But we both learned too and then I found Dr. Jim. Two things let me know almost immediately that he was the right person for me. I felt very safe in his presence and we laughed a lot. I also cried a lot, something I had not been able to do for many years. So anyway, when you look for a therapist. Ask around. Look at the different kinds of practitioners available. Dr. Jim is grounded in Gestalt Therapy which I happen to really like. It worked for me and my personality. You may be happier with a Freudian (ugh) or Jungian or something less traditional than any of these. If you don't have insurance, you may want to explore some therapy-like practices like Spiritual Direction or Bio-Spiritual Focussing. Not every community has these things available but it's worth exploring the options.

I think when all is said and done, though, that the most important thing you can do in this process is to listen to your heart. If the process isn't working, if you are feeling unsafe, say thank you and good-bye. One caveat here, though. Listen to your HEART. Discomfort is part of the therapeutic process. In therapy we look at all the psychic and emotional baggage that we have swept under the rug, hidden in dark corners of our mind and generally tried to avoid. It's not comfortable. So to make this even more vague and unclear, there is discomfort and then there is DISCOMFORT. There's a kind of heart and body discomfort that's deeply intuitive and true. If you feel that, move on. The other kinds of squirmy, "I don't want to talk about this" discomfort is often a sign that you are on the right path, hitting pay dirt, and right where you should be. Tell your therapist what you are feeling. A good therapist will let you be right where you are and work with you to understand and move through the tension.

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