Wanting

Well, I wasn't going to write an article this week. July has five Wednesdays and I thought I'd take a week off, but here I am on Thursday, fingers to the keyboard. I'm kind of going to go off topic today because the on-topic subject (Silence and Meditation) I wanted to write about requires a bit of discipline on my part and I'm sorry to say that even though I got the idea about three weeks ago, I have only managed to keep my mouth shut (and I live alone except for Abigail) for about 45 minutes on one or two occasions. This project needs some work before I can write about it.

Probably part of the reason that I haven't been able to discipline myself even a little bit is because this has been a REALLY difficult month - even by my standards. It seems like everything that can go wrong has been going wrong. The on-line company I earn my pittance from has been redesigning it's program and for some reason my computer (nobody can figure out why yet) is refusing to cooperate with the change, so I am living even closer to the edge of disaster than usual financially. And Car-Car is on her last legs. She is going to have to be replaced. And then there's the landlord. Remember him? ( http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/agor... ). Our newest tangle was a note telling me that Abigail had to go. I think we have worked our way through that crisis, but it's very scary since tenant's rights in this part of the country are, well, pretty much that you have a right to pay rent. My lease is month to month. All this does is say that the landlord has to give me 30 days notice and he can evict me because he's in a bad mood if he wants to.

I got so panic stricken by this situation that I almost invested my few nickels in an old trailer so that I'd have a place to live in that belonged to me. Somewhere in the process I decided that I deserve better than a rusty old trailer, even if it's in pretty spot.

Which brings me to the topic of the day. I'm looking on all of this as a gift from the Universe - or I'm trying to look at it that way. I'm feeling pretty scared about basic survival and it takes some effort to hold fast to viewing this as a gift. BUT....

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